Living with anxiety is: constantly feeling like people you know deep down love you don’t actually like you at all. feeling like you can’t do anything right and doubting everything. Being afraid to show who you really are for fear that you will be judged. Lying in bed at night not being able to sleep because your brain won’t turn off. Not being able to go to amusement parks with kids because just the though of crowds make your skin crawl, or get on roller coasters designed for kids because you have no control.
Anxiety creeped up on me. It’s not something I have had my whole life. I can’t even really pin point when it got so bad. I think I manage it well but then I take my kids to the park, or am riding shot gun and I have a freak out moment. I’ve never had a full blown panic attack. I get chest pains and I get really overwhelmed. According to my husband I also get really mean. It’s something i’m trying to deal with, but it’s a daily battle. Most of my anxious thoughts are self doubt and feeling inadequate. Thinking my friends just put up with me, that my husbands going to leave me, that i’m going to get fired from my job. It’s not a fun disease to deal with.
There’s really no point to this blog, no lesson. Just ramblings from a girl who suffers with anxiety and hasn’t found anything that really works to help. I am holding down hope for when medical marijuana becomes available. I have read great reviews on how it’s helped others. I use to smoke, now I feel like when I smoke it makes me paranoid, which makes me more anxious and I don’t like that feeling. Maybe with the medical grade that’s bred just for anxiety i’ll find some relief. Until then, I’ll be here, smiling but freaking out on the inside.